Audition Horror Story

To celebrate Halloween and audition season, I have decided to share three of the most frightening audition stories ever told. (OK, maybe not the MOST frightening, but certainly scary from a singer's point of view.)

Story number one concerns a baritone on his way to compete in the District Metropolitan Opera National Council Auditions. He's barely 25 and it will be his first time competing. He has high hopes and thinks he might at least advance to the regionals. He has rehearsed, practiced and planned and is now on his way to making his dream come true of being named a district winner (before going off to conquer the regionals, semi-finals and then eventually being named a National winner and launching his international career.) En route to the auditions (he has decided to drive to the audition site) he is mentally going through his list of arias, imaging how he looks in his perfect audition attire and thinking about how great it will be when he wins.

Upon arrival at the audition site, he gathers his clothing and collects his European men's carryall containing all the necessary toiletries; his photo, resume and his...Wait! He begins to shuffle through his bag, checks his backseat, looks under both the driver and passenger car seats and realizes (cue Psycho music) he has forgotten his aria book!! He is scheduled to sing in less than an hour and must find some way to get the music for the five arias he is set to sing. Panic! Luckily for him, the audition is at a University that has a large music library. He rushes over and finds a surly library assistant who seems to have no sympathy for his situation and offers little in the way of help. Finally, he throws a bit of divo weight around and gets a REAL librarian. After five minutes of explaining that while he is not a student, he needs to get copies of the music as he is scheduled to sing in, YIKES, 35 minutes. The librarian agrees that he may checkout the vocal scores as long as he leaves his driver's license. Done. After scouring the stakes he realizes that there is one aria that he can't find! Damn you obscure aria in English! He thinks quickly and comes up with an English alternative that he knows but hasn't really practiced much. He returns to the check-out desk where the surly library assistant is giving him a "you ain't gonna' be a winner today" look as he checks out the scores and takes his license and places it in what I can only suppose is an envelope for losers. He rushes back to the audition auditorium with fifteen minutes to change, warm-up and be ready to go.

His time to sing arrives. He gets through his opening aria and is asked for his barely rehearsed English offering. He surprisingly does not fall apart, but on the downside, he is not named a winner (or even given an encouragement award.) The blur that follows includes talking to the three judges who tell him he seemed nervous and a bit unprepared. DUH! But as he drives home, he realizes that while he felt like a zombie for the better part of the audition and the interaction with the judges, he has come away having learned a valuable lesson. Always, ALWAYS check your European men's carryall and make certain you have your music!!

Scary story number two takes place two years later. A young soprano with a spectacular voice is singing Desdemona's "Salce, Salce" from Verdi's Otello in the same high-profile competition from the previous tale. After she finishes, the audience remains spellbound. She seems poised to be one of the winners (and could go all the way!) The judges confer and ask for Fiordilgi's fiendishly difficult "Come Scoglio." Where the Verdi aria is all about smooth, legato, ravishing soft singing and dramatic storytelling, "Come Scoglio" from Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte is all about wide vocal jumps, coloratura passages and "balls to the wall" singing. She begins and is doing very well, but then a hiccup: she goes for one of the runs and completely blows it. She then lets forth a four-letter word that makes everyone packed inside the theater look up. I believe there were at least three or four audible gasps and suddenly this potential front-runner seems to be like a horse that has been shot in the leg and is falling to the ground. She finishes the aria and looks so mad that it appears she might scream bloody murder. She gives a fake smile and walks off the stage. She has never been heard from since.

The final tale of audition horror comes from a friend of friend so it MUST be true! A young soprano is preparing to sing for Opera Company X that is hearing people for its upcoming season. She is using the company assigned accompanist and before she launches into her introduction to the audition panel, she talks to the accompanist about her desired tempi. She turns and introduces herself and before she completely get the name of her first aria out, the accompanist has launched into the intro. What's worse is that they are playing at a much faster speed than the soprano wants. She thought back to her audition class where they were always told that no matter what the accompanist was doing; sing at the tempo that works for you. Recalling this advice, she begins to sing hoping the accompanist notices that she wants to go much slower. Either the accompanist was not paying attention or had different ideas about how fast the aria should go, because they kept playing at the tempo they had set or the poor soprano had to struggle through her audition piece. She could barely get through it vocally let alone put forth any dramatic efforts. After the aria finished, the panel, which had barely looked up, thanked her in that manner that meant "better luck next time." Furious with the accompanist, the petite soprano, who had seemed so pleasant when she entered the room, took her music from the accompanist and without missing a beat used the book to pop the accompanist upside the head simply saying "Too fast!" She walked out of the audition and rumor has it she never did another audition again.

I relate these (true?) stories mainly for comedic effect, but also to remind myself and the thousands of other singers preparing to audition of three simple rules: 1) Always have your music, 2) Try to refrain from dropping the F-bomb if you make a mistake and 3) No matter what the accompanist does, never, never hit them upside the head.


Peace,

Eric